Making space to be happy for each other

Our ratings of positive experiences can improve when we share our stories with supportive people

What if I told you there is a way to improve attendees’ ratings of your event well after it’s ended?

It’s true. And it’s something incredibly simple. In fact people do this naturally all the time. It is (hold for fanfare please!): telling other people about their experience.

That’s what Reis and colleagues (2010) found in their experiments on capitalization— the psychology term for sharing good news or a positive experience with someone. In this study, participants who told a conversation partner about one of their most positive experiences in recent years afterwards rated that event even more highly. In comparison, those who privately wrote about their event saw no change in rating.

So, if your goal is to boost your event’s ratings after the fact, it seems your best bet is to encourage your participants capitalize: to gush about their fabulous experience to other people. Easy, right? That’s not an awkward ask at all…

Actually, there’s an even stickier challenge with this line of thinking. Because the research also tells us that the rating-improvement effect is greatly influenced by the reactions of the people listening. In other words, the result we designers hope to see depends on people we have no contact with.

The synthesis phase

But stay with me here. With some creativity I think we can get around these problems. First, let’s look at the research a bit more closely.

Besides boosting ratings of the event shared, capitalizing can improve our mood and life satisfaction, strengthen our relationships, and influence how easily we remember the event (Gable et al., 2004; Lambert et al., 2012). And yes, all of these great outcomes depend on what’s called the “response style” of the person we capitalize with.

Response styles can be plotted across two axes, making four distinct types. Each style is either active or passive, as well as constructive or destructive. I bet you can already guess which of the four is the “good” one. Here is what each style sounds like:

Active-destructive: minimizing or tearing down the event, concentrating on negative aspects (also known as the “joy thief,” with credit to psychologist Dr. Karen Reivich at the University of Pennsylvania)

Passive-destructive: changing the subject, taking the focus away from the sharer or even outright ignoring the event (aka “conversation hijacker”)

Passive-constructive: “that’s nice”; feedback is positive but brief, perfunctory, low energy (aka “conversation killer”)

Active-constructive: interest and enthusiasm expressed in an authentic way; asking questions, helping the sharer savor and celebrate (aka “joy multiplier”)

If you are like me, some of these descriptions sound pretty familiar to you. Maybe you’ve even caught yourself responding in not-so-active, not-so-constructive ways. I’m lingering on this point because it’s one of the most valuable things I’ve learned, personally, from studying positive psychology. Whether you take response style in the context of experience design or not, it may help you be a better friend. Research shows that only active-constructive responding is associated with better relationship quality (Gable et al., 2004).

So let’s say we come up with a natural way to encourage participants to share about their positive experience more often, and with more people. That would be brilliant, and hopefully they’d mostly receive supportive responses. But we know it could be so much more brilliant if we could encourage that support as well.

The fact remains that we cannot control a dismissive relative or a disinterested friend. What we can do is create our own spaces where active-constructive responding is the norm.

I saw this come into play a few years ago, when I hosted live Twitter Spaces for fans after some of BTS’ concerts. In these voice-only broadcasts, I invited anyone in attendance to come “on stage” and tell the story of their concert experience. Although these were not back-and-forth conversations, there were still ways for speakers to receive supportive feedback. Listeners spammed 💜 emoji reactions at moments of heightened emotion and tweeted their responses to the content. I also made a point of verbally responding to each story before transitioning to the next one. I reflected back important things that I heard, described the emotional impact of their share on me as a listener, and thanked them. I don’t have any data to report, but these Spaces felt amazing.

The afterglow

The field is still wide open as to how capitalization and active-constructive responding can be intentionally applied to experience design. It may not present a straightforward answer, but I like the question. And at the very least, it’s a reminder of how powerful it is to be happy for one another, and show it.

Party-starter guide: Supporting a joy multiplying culture

You might:

• Take stock of the places where people are already discussing your experience. (Reviews may not count; we’re looking for communications of personal stories, not information.) Note what is already working. Is there a positive and supportive culture? Do people feel comfortable sharing their feelings, and do others respond well?

  • If you find great examples of good listening and enthusiastic responding, highlight them. It could be as simple as liking and sharing a supportive social media comment.

• Create your own space for participants dedicated to sharing experiences (capitalizing) with each other.

• Model active-constructive responding yourself when you encounter stories from participants about their experience.

Afterparty talk

After having a meaningful and positive experience, how do you choose to share about it, and with whom? Do you deliberately seek out people or spaces for the response you’ll get from them? Does it matter whether the person you capitalize with also has some experience with what you are sharing about?

Party on

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References

Gable, S. L., Reis, H. T., Impett, E. A., & Asher, E. R. (2004). What do you do when things go right? The intrapersonal and interpersonal benefits of sharing positive events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(2), 228-245.

Lambert, N. M., Gwinn, A. M., Baumeister, R. F., Strachman, A., Washburn, I. J., Gable, S. L., & Fincham, F. D. (2012). A boost of positive affect: The perks of sharing positive experiences. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 30(1), 24-43.

Reis, H. T., Smith, S. M., Carmichael, C. L., Caprariello, P. A., Tsai, F., Rodrigues, A., & Maniaci, M. R. (2010). Are you happy for me? How sharing positive events with others provides personal and interpersonal benefits. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 99(2), 311-329.